"I can help them with their most unusual problem; I know the solution to their equation, but why I can’t solve mine...”
::Ab Ovo
Eureka! I said to myself.
After several unsuccessful attempts to get one of those sodas in this century-old vending machine, I finally got my ice cold Sprite. I lift the lever slowly. But amidst the noise of the oxygen reacting with the carbonated drink and the deafening echo of the footsteps around, I can barely hear her sobs.
I began to search my environment, then as my frustration began to boil, I saw her. Sitting alone on a bench along the seemingly endless corridor of the town’s biggest hospital. Covering her face with her both hands, crying carelessly that anyone can feel the loneliness in her heart. But no one knows the reason for her tears except her and probably me.
After my second kiss to my beloved softdrinks in can, I moved over her. I sat on her right side without looking at her pitiful physique. She, as I knew it, didn’t give any damn to look at me. She’s in abyss.
Although annoyed by her crying, I know how to manipulate my patience, I just enjoyed the last drop of my Sprite. I threw the can in to the garbage basket at the opposite side of the corridor just in front of us. Unfortunately I missed. “This is not a lucky day,” I mumbled.
The can came tumbling down the floor making those disturbing thin sound. I waited a second or two then scanned the surroundings to find any penetrating look from people around who are disturbed by the noise and her cry, much less by our mere presence. Luckily not much of them care.
I looked at her but she seems not bother by my ice breaker, she still had her hand stuck in her face. I just studied her. Looking at this barefoot poor little lass clad in blood-stained faded jeans, scarred and crimson yellow tops, one could tell that she’s been in one bloody experience. Her hands, also bloody and bruised. Her rosy face is covered by her long hair.
Then I took courage to utter a query. I asked her.
“How did you die?”
My ice breaker is much more effective now; she abruptly stopped crying then slowly lowered her hands then looked at me. Although wearing those watered eyes, she’s one of the finest women I’ve ever met. Some dried blood almost covered her rosy cheeks and pale lips. But I know behind her mask of blood, she’s beautiful.
Puzzled by my question, she looked at me as if saying “pardons me?”
“Excuse me mister?!” she said with her trembling voice.
I just smiled and look away. Trying to find my frustrated softdrinks can.
“I assume you’re dead for less than two hours now” I replied slowly with touch of sadness.
“What had happened to you?”
“Please mister, I don’t know if you’re crazy or something, but I’m in the middle of fear and agony, please do respect me.” She replied quite loud but careful.
::Six Sense
Since I was six, I am living in two conjoining worlds: the living and the dead. The first time I saw ghosts, I nearly joined them. I’ve been confined in the hospital for three weeks. But after sometime, my immune system worked well.
I was used to it, I always contend. I just treat those dead as living and the living dead to make these worlds as one. I don’t know if the ability to see and communicate with someone in the third dimension is a gift or a curse.
But my mother always had an explanation to everything. She told me to analyze a simple kitchen knife, she said that if I used it to cause somebody to die, it’s bad of course, but if I use it to slice breads or carve wood into something nice, it is really a good kitchen utensil. “It depends on how one uses it,” she added. If I used my ability for the good, it’s a gift; otherwise it’s a curse that I would be dealing with for my life.
Everything has its own reason. Right after a person died they don’t know that they’re dead and that’s my ultimate duty: to tell them and make them accept the reality.
“I am sorry miss, but don’t you remember why you’re here. Try to recall and please tell me.” I pleaded looking at her watery eyes.
She suddenly turned silent, staring blankly at the peeling paint at the wall. Thinking. I just waited or just got no reason to utter a word. The night is getting older and the wall clock states that it was one in the morning and the people including the ghosts walking hurriedly in front of us gradually got thinner and thinner. Much more silence now.
After that long reminiscing and pondering, she moved and began to cry again. Her sobs are much louder now and it’s breaking my time with silence.
“Well, I think that’s alright, you must accept it whether you like it or not, there’s nothing we can do.” I said trying desperately to calm her down but it’s no good. I just let her cry; it’s a good outlet after all.
She stopped, catching her breath and began her tragic story.
::The Beginning Of Her Last Story
Three hours earlier she and her younger brother were on their way home from her graduation party. She just got her bachelor’s degree in Communication. Her brother fetched her that night because it was already late. After a sharp turn just three blocks away from their home, a speeding red Mitsubishi pick-up smashed their poor tiny RAV4. She can’t recall what happened next.
“All I can remember then is we brought my brother here, I’m very worried about him.” She said between sobs. I just listened eagerly.
“I don’t care if I’m dead, I just want to know what happened to my brother, know that he’s okay.” She continued looking at me almost pleading.
“Okay, miss please calm down,” I replied “I will get some information about your brother, wait here, is that OK?” I continued while standing. She just nodded. I’m gone before she could deliver her thanks.
I search every possible source of information, from emergency room to operating room. Ironically no one can give any answers to my questions, they kept on ignoring me so I just listened, that’s all I can do. I found out that one of the couple in the other car also died.
At the operating room, her brother had just come out. I followed until we arrived at his recovery room where bunch of relatives are already waiting. A couple, most probably her parents, was still in shock with what had happened. They lost their precious daughter and their son is full of bandage, several bone fracture was all he got. “He is in a stable condition,” the doctor declared. I came to think that it was really a hard impact between the two vehicles.
After watching the unpleasant scenario, I decided to return to the girl. I walked along the corridor feeling strange, I can’t hear my footstep or the echo of it. I’m just very tired I thought.
She’s still there, waiting patiently. She’s even lovelier now. Her eyes followed me until I laid myself on her side. She didn’t uttered a word, she wanted me to talk first.
“I have one good news and one bad,” I started looking at her amusing eyes “which one you want to hear first?” she suddenly frowned as if saying “please go on because every seconds that passes, my fear grows.”
“Ok, ok I’ll decide” I said trying to bring back her lovely face. “The good news is your brother is in a stable condition, although suffering from some fractures but I heard that it’s only a minor injury, he’s still lucky.
After hearing what I’ve said, I noticed the very first smile that broke into her face. How lovely.
“Really?! Well that’s really good news. What’s the bad news, then?” she asked.
Without much care or eloquence I just said, “You’re dead.” The way I said it reminds me of how a favored actor told the villain of what he is now after firing his last bullet.
“Ow, I don’t care, I’m just worried ‘bout my parents, surely they’re so sad” said she slowly dropping her head.
“Yup, In fact they’re crying and still shocked when I saw them but I’m sure they can accept what had happened,” I continued now with less candid. “Has reality already sank in you that you are already dead? What had happened to you?” I unwittingly asked her as if being dead is a thing that can be easily be accepted.
“Of course,” she said with that great smile again “there’s no more I can do but to accept the reality right?”
“That’s right,” I responded with glee as if happy with her death.
::Au Revoir
She did not stayed longer, she said her thanks then bid goodbye. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her to the end of the hallway but I refused. Maybe that’s one of the greatest thing I’ve ever done, to decline from the irresistible invitation of a lovely woman.
“I’m tired,” I said as an alibi. She said okay then flash her last wave. I just watched her walking into the end of the corridor until her lovely physique was engulfed by blinding lights. She was gone. My mission is accomplished.
::The End Is The Beginning Of The End
Again I consulted the wall clock, it was ten minutes before three and I’m dead tired that I have to take a good nap. I stretched my legs and my hands then cracked my knuckles while yawning. I rested my back on the bench with my arms twisted upon my chest. I fell half asleep.
Unexpectedly, my undefined dreams were ceased. I was awaken by the sound and echo of heavy footsteps of a man who had just passed me.
My blurred vision followed the silhouette of the man then at the corner just few meters from my throne, he approached a doctor. They talked about the accident that happened few hours earlier. Thought he was one of the relatives of the girl.
“I’m sorry but your brother didn’t make it, only his fiancée survived, “I’m sorry” the doctor said while tapping the man’s shoulder consoling him. The doctor left but the man did not move for a long time. He’s still in shock just like the rest of them. I know he still can’t believe with what happened to his . . .
Wait a minute, the girl was the one who died and not the guy, not his brother. Why did the doctor gave the wrong information? Maybe he’s not the doctor who looked after the girl and her brother or maybe this man is a relative of someone in the other car. Nahh, I don’t have much energy to think.
As I’m preparing to take a nap again and pull back my unfinished dreams, the man slowly turned and slowly walked into my position. The surrounding seems shifted into a slow motion state. I remember Max Payne’s movement while he was dreaming, very slow. As the man is getting close I studied his lonely face.
I can’t be wrong, I know this guy. My brain shouted between the echoes of the man’s footstep. Echoes that occupied the whole hospital.
My body turned ice cold, shaking for a truth I do not want to know, I continued on looking at his face to recognize him. When he passed before me I noticed my softdrinks can lying on the floor. Crumpled, full of blood. I stood up quickly with fear enveloping my body then I looked and shouted to the walking agonizing man.
“Kuya! Kuya!!!” he never looked back, but I keep on trying not to notice the tears falling from my eyes. My voice was thundering into the corridor but no one could hear, then the environment slowly faded and went blurred that I can’t see anything.
I just closed my eyes for a second. Wondering why I didn’t thought ‘what in the world I’m doing here’ in the first place. As I opened my eyes, thousands of memories flashbacked into my mind. Like a moving picture flying into different direction, each revealing how the way I spent my life. I watched every single frame until the last part of my life.
I saw and remember the Sprite I bought at the graduation party of my fiancée. My Mitsubishi. The malfunctioning brakes. The accident.
Then the surrounding turns into a very bright white color. I’m not in the hospital anymore, I’m now in the abyss.
“I thought you said that you don’t want to walk with me” a voice from behind, it was the girl. She held my hand and said “Let’s go.”
Then the silence speaks.
::Ad Infinitum…
*for Maria (1982-2004)
_____________________
::published in Andamyo5
September 2005
PDF HERE
