My Pathetic Universe

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"

where:
  R = Reality
  b = someone 'a' likes
  a = someone she likes
  u = her
  i = you
  x = someone likes 'i'

1. After telling her a joke and she asked you to choose a finger, just choose. Agree that your joke (even if you think it's not) is corny.
2. At the restaurant, don't order anything with kalabasa (squash), get sizzling sisig instead, and make sure that hers has no egg. If the cook made a mistake, take the egg from her sisig.
3. After meal, put your fork on top of the spoon and say "burp"
4. Kiss her goodbye when parting but don't say "Good bye", "See you" instead.
5. Play arcade games sometimes, the one with the zombies and guns.
6. On special occasions, give her a card or a letter, it's old fashion but she'll like it.
7. Watch horror movie together or My Sassy Girl over and over again.
8. Draw Winnie the Pooh.
9. Always hold her hand while walking.
10. Please don't make her cry.

While waiting for my friend at the Toa Payoh bus interchange, an old humpback woman about the age of 80 approached me. She was carrying a big white plastic bag and asked me if I have a handphone (surprisingly in fluent english*). She knows that I'm a foreigner. I paused for a second or two thinking 'what the very old woman would do to my cellphone'.

"Do you have a cellphone? mobile phone?" the woman politely repeated, replacing 'handphone' with a 'cellphone' and 'mobile phone'. She knows that foreigners don't use the word 'handphone'.

"Yes ma'am" i replied.

"Can I borrow it? I just want to make a call" she said.

"Sure ma'am." I quickly replied while pulling my mobile phone from my pocket.

"Do you have the number ma'am?" I asked. I was expecting that she will give me a piece of paper that has a number on it but instead she began dictating the numbers. I was stunned so I missed the first two numbers so I asked for it again and began punching the digits.

I waited for a ring before I handed the phone to the old woman. She now talked in plain mandarin apparently informing someone on the other end about her estimated time of arrival.

She handed me back my mobile phone in less than a minute.

She then told me that she tried to borrow phone from several persons, mostly her own kind, Singaporean, but all of them declined. She was very disappointed.

She bid goodbye and was about to leave when I quickly said "Ma'am, can I help you with that?" pointing at the white plastic bag. She declined reasoning that it's not that heavy then asked "from where are you, son?"

"From the Philippines ma'am, I'm a Filipino." I proudly said.

It was Saturday, August 28, 5 days after Rolando Mendoza screwed all the Filipinos around the globe.

These High Grade Limited Evangelion Model kits are 1/100th scale. This limited edition is made by Bandai of Japan and comes with a high level of articulation. A ball and socket system allows movement in the limbs and torso. The EVA-01 has a purple finish. Molded in 7 colors, so painting is not necessary or minimal. Includes cast-resin figure of Shinji.

Bought this last month at Toy Kingdom SM Megamall.
With my new giant hero, as the title goes, no angel can come near me. (But I'll allow the scarlet one.)

I just ­watched Hachiko movie and it almost broke the record of The Land Before Time as the only movie that made me weep. Yes, Hachiko is a very sad movie because as always, when dog’s death is involved, it will definitely poke human tear glands.

It’s a retelling of a true story that happened in Japan decades ago, where Hachiko became a symbol of loyalty.

The movie made me wonder up to what extent a pet dog would do for their masters, then I remembered my family’s very own dog.

His name was Itim, because of the very obvious reason, he’s black.

Side note: Just like my friend’s puppy whose name is Tuta, for a person with a Master’s degree, that’s the best name she came up with, hehehe peace. In contrast, I have a friend with a dog named Higad (catterpillar). Why? I don’t have any idea.

Well, back to Itim, he’s a very big healthy and strong black dog, with orange accent (eyebrows, ear lining, etc.) He’s too big to be an askal so we suspected that his mother had an affair with the German shepherd in our neighborhood. But we never had proven that.

I was in primary when Itim was born. He always wanted to play chase but my skinny stature prevented me to play with him, not to mention, I was an asthmatic.

He died September of 1999.

My parents were involved in a vehicular accident that year, luckily for my mother, she only suffered minor injuries. But my father, suffered several wounds and bone fractures and because the provincial hospital didn’t have the necessary equipment and personnel that time, we had to rush my father to the City, 128kms from our province.

Before we took off, I rushed back home to get my stuff because I know that my father will be confined for months. I saw our dog, Itim, running wildly around the house, to the backyard, everywhere, dragging his metal leash. Just running around seemed tiring himself down.

Having so many things in mind, I never gave attention to him but I know that he knew there was something wrong.

After a week, I think it’s my father’s third operation, my brother arrived to take my post. He told me that Itim was sick. Of all our dogs, only Itim didn’t catch any kind of dog’s disease. He’s always strong that no other stray dogs dared to fight him, so I just couldn’t believe that he’s sick.

I had to travel back home the next day to get some stuff needed in the hospital. And when I saw him, he was trying to stand up but I immediately held him down, he’s too weak and I didn’t want him to waste his energy just to please me. He just wiggled his tail and look at me as if asking about my father’s condition. I just told him that my father was okay.

He passed away the next day.

Before, I was asked what I would do if I'm very rich and have 10 million pesos that I have to spend within 24hrs.

"Bibigay ko sa eheads para mag-concert sila uli for the last time..." I replied.

Then it did happen. Not that I became rich, but the Eraserheads, once again, ruled the stage. Dalawang beses pa!

Then I found out through blogs that many eheads fanatic thought the same plan if they have that sum of money.


Last week, I realized that the domain www.eraserheads.com is still available and I instantly wanted to own it. I want to create a tribute website for the band. Some fantastic design played in my brain and I got very excited.

...so I emailed BuyDomains.com, the company that currently owns and sells the domain name. Malakas ang loob ko kasi usually you can buy domain names for as low as P500 and even if it's worth P5000, I will buy it I thought.

After a week, a reply came and found myself knocked down in disbelief.
$29,000.00!!!
More than a million pesos!

That is when I realized:

- why the (now defunct) official eraserheads website (www.eheads-online.com) is not www.eraserheads.com
- why of all the millions of fans of eraserheads, no one can afford it
- that the P500 domain name I was talking about was either your name or some unfamous words, in short: no value
- that no way I can afford that domain name that I'm sure thousands of eheads fanatic also wanted to buy.
- that if I'm very rich at may sobrang P1,392,000 (if $1=P48) ang pera ko, I will definitely purchase that www.eraserheads.com

Some years ago, while strolling at the mall with my friend, we spotted this HP laptop's latest release with a very pretty saleslady on its side.

We quickly approached the store and my eyes was filled with amazement while reading the laptop's specifications. My head hovered around the computer poking every angle and praising every detail.

My friend, on the other hand, had his eyes all over this beautiful saleslady.

"Miss, magkano to?" I asked without looking at her. I'm not done worshiping the device.

"Miss, anong name mo?" my friend's query.

source: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

While taking the Pagbilao Highway this morning, a maroon car suddenly appeared on my left hitting my motorcycle. I lost control and hit the gravel road, slid and everything.

I tried to get the car’s plate number, but my vision suddenly blocked by the cloud of dust I created.

I lied still and waited for about a minute, feeling every inch of my body.

I stood up and blood drifted off my left hand profusely. Then excruciating pain started their job.

Deep cuts and bruises on my left pinkie and ring finger, large cuts on my left knee and left shoulder. And several small bruises all over my body.



I’ve been feeling terribly depressed days ago and ironically these pain seems to remind me that I’m still alive.

Do you remember one of the episodes of Mr. Bean? – The one where he created a greeting card for himself and acted very surprised upon seeing the greeting card?  I used to laugh at that episode but now, I’m not sure which of us is more pathetic.

Right now, I’m staring at this gift I sent to her via LBC several days ago.

After my very important mission in Manila last December 16, I decided to send my Birthday gift to her via courier. I remember how many hours I spent just to wrap that little box.

We both live in the city of Lucena but I really don’t know where exactly her place is – that’s why I ended up with the courier. Yeah I know I’m making excuses. I can’t deliver it myself even if I know where her home is.

Anyway, I wrote down her name and address that I memorized for so long and also her mobile number that I engraved in my brain no older than a month. I didn’t put my address, just my name and mobile number.

 “Kelan dating nyan sa Lucena?” I asked the LBC personnel

“Bukas na bukas Sir andun na ‘to.” He assured.

I headed back to Lucena.

The following day, Team LBC texted me:

“Sir, dpo klala c (HER NAME) d2 sa (HER ADDRESS). D rin po nmin mkontak. Pkikontak n lng po sya at pkisbing iclaim nya pdala nya sa lbc ofc lucena.”

But you know what? I greatly expected that scenario. There are many factors and one is her address. I got her address in her graduates’ info sheet way back in 2006. Maybe she had already moved. Second is her mobile number. Maybe I’d written it incorrectly or memorized it wrongly. Or maybe she didn’t move, she always wanted to become anonymous and maybe she succeeded that even her neighborhood doesn’t know that she exists. Or maybe she did receive the LBC message but knowing that it’s from me, she didn’t give a damn and just thought 'nice try' (joke!)

So after three days, I claimed the package in the LBC office half-hoping that it’s not there anymore. When the employee handed me the package, I acted surprised.

“Hey, I got a gift... Wait a minute, this looks familiar...”

What a pathetic loser I am.

Some years ago, me and my former colleague, Herbert decided to take our dinner at KFC before heading to the office. At the entrance of KFC, there’s a group of ladies who suddenly halted their conversation upon our arrival and annoyingly burst into a soft laughter after we passed them. Minding our revolting stomachs, we didn’t give a damn. We entered the food chain, ordered and had a nice meal, then went to our office.

Before we even take our respective workstations, an officemate asked a question that made us realize why those KFC ladies are laughing at us.

“O, saang children’s party kayo galing?”

Herbert was wearing his blue shirt with Superman logo, while me, in my favorite grey shirt with the classic Batman logo on its chest.

Butil butil na pawis,
Bumabagal ang oras,
Tumitindig ang balahibo,
Nanginginig ang kalamnan,
At humihilab ang tiyan...

Siguro alam nyo na kung anong sitwasyon yan, sino nga ba ang hindi nagdaan sa pinakanakakahiyang pangyayari sa buhay ng isang tao. Siguro 'di kumpleto ang buhay mo kung di mo yan naranasan.

Kamakailan lang e biktima ang walong taong gulang kong pamangkin ng sumpang yan. Malapit lang ang bahay namin sa school nila pero hindi pa rin umabot. Sigurado ako na may kwento kayong ganito nung elementary pa lang kayo, kung di man kayo ang bida malamang isa sa kaklase mo.

Minsan na rin akong naging bida sa ganitong eksena, Grade 3 ako nun, at talagang di maganda ang pakiramdam, halos pihitin ko na ang kamay ng orasan sa classroom namin para mag-recess na. Nang pumatak ang alas-nueve, di pa man nakakatayo mga kaklase ko e nasa labas na ako at nagsisimula ng lumakad ng dikit ang mga binti tungo sa bahay namin. Medyo malayo bahay namin sa eskwelahan kaya’t kumakanta na lang ako ng Bayang Magiliw (Lupang Hinirang) upang kahit papano e malimutan ko ang napakalupit na sitwasyon na kinaroroonan ko. Nakailang ulit din ang pagkanta ko ng Pambansang Awit bago ko narating ang banyo namin. Subalit ilang hakbang na lang e biglang sumambulat ang aking pinipigilan. Nakatayo lang ako sa harap ng banyo at tila nagdidilig ng pataba sa mga halaman ng nanay ko na nasa harap ng palikuran. Nasa labas pa ng bahay ang banyo namin noon.

Nakita ako ng lola ko at dalian ipinasok ako sa banyo at pinaliguan... tulala ako nun, matagal ding paliguan ang nangyari. Pagbalik ko sa school nagtaka mga kaklase ko bakit ako bagong ligo, ako naman sa kabilang dako e masama ang loob dahil hindi ako nakapag-recess.

Napakatraydor ng sitwasyon na ganyan, minsan sa school, minsan sa simbahan, minsan pag ume-exam (kaya ayon walang sagot), at pinakamalupit sa lahat e pag nasa loob ka ng sasakayan at malayo ang destinasyong pupuntahan.

Walang kwenta ang lamig ng aircon dahil pagpapawisan pa rin, halos isumpa mo na ang diyos sa hirap ng pakiramdam. o kaya e tawagin lahat ng santo, ‘pag hindi tumugon e demonyo ang tatawagin, talagang gagawin ang lahat maibsan lang ang paghilab ng tiyan.

Kakanta ng Lupang Hinirang o kya e ire-recite ang alphabet ng pabaligtad maiiwas lang ang utak sa karimlang kinasasadlakan. At tuwing ganito ang kaso, ito ang oras na mgtatrapik kahit hindi naman rush hour, masisiraan ang sasakyan at kasunod nun halos masiraan ka na rin ng bait, magpapagasolina at may halong chikahan pa sa pagitan ng driver at gas boy, at kung anu-ano pang mga magpapalala sa dati ng malalang sitwasyon.

Walang pinipili ang sumpang ito, ke napakaganda mong sekretarya na naka-mini skirt, crush kong celebrity na parang hindi tao sa sobrang ganda, o presidente ng malaking kompanya, mamamayan ng Ghana, Africa, Grade 2 pupil, presidente ng Pilipinas o tatakbo pa lang ngayong 2010, o kaya ay ang pinakamamahal kong babae sa buong solar system... kahit sino, kailangang dumaan dito.

Sabi nga ng isang quote na nabasa ko dati, Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

Gusto ko ring ikumpara ito sa love, parehong nakakapilipit ng sikmura pero sa kasamaang palad, kailangang pagdaanan.

Sabi rin ng tagline ng isang Korean movie: There three things that you can’t hide; cold, poverty and love...

Gagawin kong pang-apat ang sitwasyon na tinutukoy ko.

I remember the time I learned how to use Photoshop and manipulate pictures, I pathetically edited my portrait along with the Petronas Twin Tower as background. Although the editing was not that bad, still it’s not the real thing. But last week, I need no Photoshop anymore.

I’m not much of a story teller lalo pag true-to-life, so bits and pieces lang mababasa nyo dito.

I’m always fascinated with great man-made structures like buildings, bridges, statues, towers etc. Nakikita ko lang sila sa segment ng Discovery Channel like Extreme Engineering, and I always like ‘Damn, how do they do it?’ The same question lingers in my mind when the World Trade Center collapsed.

Anyway, Kuala Lumpur (KL) is only 5-6 hours from Singapore (SG), mabilis na yun, considering its distance of more than 300 kms. While Singapore is very different from the Philippines in every single angle, parang Manila lang ang KL. Mas tamad pa nga ata Malaysian kesa Pinoy e, they open their businesses at 11am kaya sa umaga halos walang tao at sasakyan.

But products in KL is much cheaper compare here, and mas mahal naman sa Singapore kesa Pinas. Gadgets in KL and SG, laking mura kesa dito, imagine a P150k laptop here will only cost about P80k sa Malaysia.

What I’m fascinated about Singapore is their transportation system, I’m more likely to get lost in Metro Manila but never in SG, lahat may signs, maps, and they’re translated in selected languages (Mandarin, Malay, Hindi, etc.). Wala rin traffic and in expressway, there are digital roadsigns which indicates road accidents, the specific location and lane so as to avoid traffic jam build up. Toll and parking fees are automatically collected by sensors. They have this EZ Link card that can be use to board trains and buses. You’ll only have to tap the card to the scanners and off you go. Ganun lang kasimple. Everything there is so systematic, organized and well disciplined. Wala ako nakikitang naglilinis pero sobrang linis ng paligid, wala ako nakita traffic enforcers and yet traffic laws are observed and abided.

When I arrived at Clark Airport last Saturday, I thought it will take hours before it will sink to me that I’m already in the Philippines, but guess what, it only took about 10 minutes max.

Sa eroplano, stewardesses handed us three forms (Health, Immigration and Customs) to be filled-out upon arriving at the airport. Since most of us e walang ballpen, we decided na sa airport na lang mag fill-up. To our dismay, walang ballpen sa airport. One co-passenger borrowed ballpen from an employee and we filled-out our forms one after another. Hiraman. Ako ang pinaka huli so literally, ako na lang pasahero sa loob ng arrival. Pinagmadali na ako at yung ibang part e pwede na raw di fill-upan, kasi ako na lang ang hinihintay at uuwi na sila. So I hurriedly handed them my passport and the incompletely filled forms, stamped it and handed back to me. Sabi ko ‘OK na yun?’, the officer nodded.

In Singapore and Malaysia Immigration, napakahigpit nila. Sa Malaysia, halos paghubadin ako e, pinatanggal cap and eyeglasses ko, they even asked me why my hair is longer than the one on the passport picture.

You may think that I’m a Filipino kaya di ako pinaghigpitan ng Clark Immigration. Not all my co-passengers are Filipinos, may isang foreigner na mukhang terorista and yet, he passed the counter as easily as me.

My check-in baggage is lying alone there at the carousel. Usually sa airports, when there's a baggage that is not attended for a period of time, magiging cause ng commotion yun suspecting that the baggage is some sort of threat or something, pero sa Clark, wala.

So much for comparison, in fact it’s not even right to compare. Besides, ‘di nman mananalo Pilipinas e.

Well, this entry is for the sake of ‘para lang may entry’. Di ako mahilig gumala, pumunta nga sa CR sa umaga tinatamad ako e, sa ibang bansa pa kaya. And I will not tell how the hell I got there, wala nga may alam na nagpunta ako SG and KL.

While heading north to Manila, a Roel Cortez antique ‘Iniibig Kita’ suddenly burst out the bus’ speaker, and I found myself laughing discreetly. Not because of the fact that it’s a very old song but because I remembered something terribly funny.

One time during college days, at our boarding house, one boardmate singing the line ‘ano ang gagawin, sa puso at damdamin…’ then out of nowhere, another boardmate shouted ‘pritosa!!’ (fry it!!).